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Dialogue between Betsy and Eleanor (who is still hanging out in Betsy's belly).
B: "Hello there."
E: Glances up, kind of grunts.
B: "Slow going?"
E: "Look, I don't mean to be rude, but this is not as easy as it looks. So I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't distract me."
B: "Sorry."
E: "Thank you."
B: Steps away, folds some baby clothes, practices a diaper change. Then looks eagerly at her belly again.
B: "I do not suppose you could speed things up?"
E: "If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope, or a tree branch, or find something useful to do."
B: "I could do that. In fact, I've got some castor oil up here. But I do not think that you will accept my help, since I am only waiting around to oogle you and change your diapers."
E: "That does put a damper on our relationship."
B: "But I promise I will not oogle you until you reach the top."
E: "That's very comforting. But I'm afraid you'll just have to wait."
B: "I hate waiting. I could give you my word as a Mazzucco."
E: "No good. I've known too many Mazzuccos."
B: "You don't know any way you'll trust me?"
E: "Nothing comes to mind."
And so, we wait. No labor yet.
5 comments:
I'd lend you some of my patience, but I don't have any.
Thank you for the smile from reading that post!
It's not really me who needs patience. I'm not the one carrying an extra 35 pounds around and looking forward to hours of excruciating pain.
But since Betsy doesn't really use the internet, I have to post on her behalf.
I would pass along to Betsy your offer to lend no patience, but I'm sure Jaya will have you going into patience debt shortly. In fact, you might want to develop some credit default swap scheme for patience so that you can stockpile for when Jaya is 3 years old. Or perhaps you could arrange a government patience bail out.
A few questions:
What is "oogle"? Do you think that this proposed activity is deterring the child? (It seems so from the post.)
Have you tried birth masks? I hear they're terribly comfortable. Or do you worry that E thinks that people in masks cannot be trusted?
Perhaps it would be better if Betsy were prepared to taunt this child. For instance, she could consider giving birth and then shouting from across the room while E is under the heating lamp being warmed and weighed, "You've been chasing me your entire life, only to fail now. I think that's the worst thing I've ever heard; how marvelous.”
I never, EVER, thought TPB would be quoted in the context of giving birth - especially by an all-male comment stream (Betsy's lack of internet use taken into consideration).
Awesome.
this stream of posts has left me with tears of happiness at the sheer genius and sadness that i did not have the foresight to come up with it sooner.
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