The Drunkest Girls at the Party

Have any of you actually read this column in The Dartmouth? If not, um, don't. I just did today for some reason, and I am pretty sure that I killed more brain cells in that 30 seconds than I do in watching an entire 2 hour episode of the Bachelor (this is in no way to be taken as an admission of guilt, responsibility, or any kind of association with that television show in any way, whatsoever; psst, Hillary, do not give me up).